Milestones and Freshstarts

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4 Months Clean & Sober: Jesus Loves Me, This I Know

Today I celebrate four months clean and sober. “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” That simple children’s song has become living truth for me. Not only does the Bible tell me so—Jesus Himself has kept telling me, over and over, in my inner healing session and through His letters. His voice has been steady, patient, and kind while I’ve been learning to believe it again. There has been so much progress since my last post. One of the clearest pictures Jesus gave me was of red flowers with pure white in the middle. I still cannot find them anywhere on the internet. They were perfect and beautiful. He showed me they mean that He covers me in His blood and wraps me in His own purity. Scarlet covered by white. My past, my pain, my failures—washed and held by Him. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.” — Isaiah 1:18 “And they have washed their robes and made them white in the bloo...

Faith as Little as a Mustard Seed

Jesus said, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20) I have been at Homestead Ministries since May 6th. On September 6th I will have four months clean. That still feels like a miracle. I came from the streets of Wichita—living in a box truck on South Broadway, caught in a life that was destroying me, leaving everything I knew behind, including my boyfriend. Jesus met me right where I was. He met me in Salina when I was just trying to get clean and sober and actually do something with my life. For a while everything seemed like it was finally going right. I was getting into a good place. Then the ground shifted again. The director told us the Salina house was closing. We were all moving to the Manhattan house. Even Ms. Deb thought I would be the first one to be happy about the move and more on board with it. She was surpr...

90 Days Clean: Handing the Reins to the Good Shepherd

On the 6th, I hit an incredible milestone: 90 days clean. This journey has definitely come with its share of highs, lows, and losses—but above all, it has been filled with major wins. The exact same day I celebrated 90 days of sobriety, I walked out with my driver's license! I haven't had a license since 2008, and I haven't reached 90 days clean since 2018. Next week, I am taking my refresher course to reactivate my CNA license. I never knew life could go so well or that I could feel so incredibly blessed. All of this is happening because I made a firm decision to put God first in my life. When He is at the center, I know I have absolutely nothing to worry about. My focus is simply to keep praying. For the first time in my life, I am not living in fear. If a moment of fear does creep in, I actively give it over to God, and I refuse to take it back. It is an absolutely amazing feeling. “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads...

85 Days, 8 Hours, 53 Minutes & 42 Seconds

Boundaries, Acceptance & Forgiveness OH MY I honestly sometimes wonder, will this work this time? Tonight I am taking it minute by long minute, second by long second. I am in the process of letting go of every single thing. I know it is so freaking hard, but it is what I have to do if I want to live. With that letting go comes boundaries. With boundaries comes acceptance. And with acceptance comes forgiveness. Out with the old, and in with the new. As the Word says in 2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” Sometimes I miss everyone and everything. Sometimes I just want to be back in that box truck again. Sometimes I want to just be able to call my mom. But I can’t, because I don’t want to die. She doesn’t understand that I simply cannot survive in or around that environment anymore, and she continues to cross the boundaries I desperately need to stay safe. Yet even knowing that, the ache doesn’t fu...

83 Days Clean: To My Resilient Boy, Jordan — I See You, and I’m Cheering from the Balcony

83 days clean and counting. Today my heart isn’t only fixed on my own recovery. It’s overflowing with love for a very special man who rarely hears enough praise — my 18-year-old son, Jordan. He is one of the most resilient souls I have ever known. He carries the hardest work ethic, the biggest heart, and an honesty that runs bone-deep—even though life has handed him some of the hardest lessons a person can endure. From the Very Beginning I knew from the moment Jordan was born how special he was. Even as a baby he was sharp. I’ll never forget the first time I heard his laugh. We were sitting in my grandma’s living room when this deep, rich sound rose from way down in his belly—like one of those pure baby laughs you hear in a commercial or as a phone ringtone. From that day forward he was the light of my life. When darkness came and I saw his father hurt him, I took all three of my boys and left. I promised I would never look back. Together we opened our own lawn service, and let me...

A Spark of Hope from My Boy, New Boundaries, and Choosing Purity

Today I am 67 days clean. Sixty-seven days of choosing this path even when it stretches me. I’m still in the safe sober living house, doing the work, and I started training as Shift Supervisor at a very well-known coffee house on June 29th. First real job since 2018. It feels big—scary and hopeful all at once. The New Job Training I’m still deep in training. The pace is fast, there’s a lot to learn, and my ADHD mind has to work extra hard to stay focused. Some moments I feel overwhelmed, but I keep showing up clean, on time, and ready to learn. It’s giving me healthy structure and a chance to build something new instead of falling back into old survival patterns. Grateful for the opportunity even on the hard days. Holding Steady Last night’s words from my youngest twin still sit with me—“I want to wait til you get out of treatment mama.” I’m carrying that as motivation. It’s not easy, but it brings peace. Proverbs 4:23 reminds me: “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the...