Milestones and Freshstarts

         Jesus said, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20) I have been at Homestead Ministries since May 6th. On September 6th I will have four months clean. That still feels like a miracle. I came from the streets of Wichita—living in a box truck on South Broadway, caught in a life that was destroying me, leaving everything I knew behind, including my boyfriend. Jesus met me right where I was. He met me in Salina when I was just trying to get clean and sober and actually do something with my life. For a while everything seemed like it was finally going right. I was getting into a good place. Then the ground shifted again. The director told us the Salina house was closing. We were all moving to the Manhattan house. Even Ms. Deb thought I would be the first one to be happy about the move and more on board with it. She was surpr...

On the 6th, I hit an incredible milestone: 90 days clean. This journey has definitely come with its share of highs, lows, and losses—but above all, it has been filled with major wins. The exact same day I celebrated 90 days of sobriety, I walked out with my driver's license! I haven't had a license since 2008, and I haven't reached 90 days clean since 2018. Next week, I am taking my refresher course to reactivate my CNA license. I never knew life could go so well or that I could feel so incredibly blessed. All of this is happening because I made a firm decision to put God first in my life. When He is at the center, I know I have absolutely nothing to worry about. My focus is simply to keep praying. For the first time in my life, I am not living in fear. If a moment of fear does creep in, I actively give it over to God, and I refuse to take it back. It is an absolutely amazing feeling. “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads...

Boundaries, Acceptance & Forgiveness  OH MY I honestly sometimes wonder, will this work this time? Tonight I am taking it minute by long minute, second by long second. I am in the process of letting go of every single thing. I know it is so freaking hard, but it is what I have to do if I want to live. With that letting go comes boundaries. With boundaries comes acceptance. And with acceptance comes forgiveness. Out with the old, and in with the new. As the Word says in 2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” Sometimes I miss everyone and everything. Sometimes I just want to be back in that box truck again. Sometimes I want to just be able to call my mom. But I can’t, because I don’t want to die. She doesn’t understand that I simply cannot survive in or around that environment anymore, and she continues to cross the boundaries I desperately need to stay safe. Yet even knowing that, the ache doesn’t fu...